Week #12 – The Detroit Lions

The Ghost of T-Buck…

Sunday’s victory over the 49ers was a thing of beauty – until Al Harris and Aaron Kampman went down in the second half.

I feel bad for these guys. Total class acts. Total professionals.

Of the two, my gut says Al’s injury will affect the team more. The Packers have had pretty good luck rotating in different outside linebackers. Some of those linebackers have shown flashes of brilliance.

On the other hand, they have NOT had very good luck rotating in different defensive backs, especially when those defensive backs are named Jarrett Bush.

My initial prediction for this team was 11 wins. Even as the team has sputtered and the injuries piled up, I could still see it.

Then, during that 49er game, I watched Bush (again) get torched by tight end Vernon Davis. I didn’t see Bush’s face, because he didn’t turn around to look for the ball. Instead, I just saw the ball flying over Bush’s scorchmarked #24 jersey.

The ghosts of Terrell Buckley and Ahmad Carroll live! Hold onto your hats. Eleven wins with Jarrett Bush spending significant time on the field? I’m having a crisis of faith.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!

Predictions…

1. I think the turducken is going to Greg Jennings today. He’s a guy that’s often overshadowed by louder wideouts. On a national stage, he’ll be motivated to have a monster game.

2. I think the Detroit crowd is going to be a factor in the early going. Those fans deserve a ton of credit. Despite living in a dying city with a joke of a franchise, they still turn out. Nobody’s talking about the Lions moving to Los Angeles (unlike, of course, our purple friends to the west).

3. I think Aaron Rodgers will get sacked twice.

Score: Packers 33, Lions 13
(Matt’s Season Prediction Record: 6-4)

 

Week #11 – The San Francisco 49ers

Just a couple questions today…

Did Charles Woodson singlehandedly save the Green Bay Packers 2009 season with his effort in that Dallas Cowboys game?

And, is Charles Woodson human – or superhuman?

I am petitioning the front office of the Packers and the NFL to give Woodson a special uniform that includes a cape. You might think the wind drag on the cape might slow him down. I don’t think so. Instead, I’m pretty sure that, with a cape, Charles would literally take flight. How fun would that be?

This Week’s Opponent…

The San Francisco 49ers are tough to figure out.

They were a fluke play (and a dropped interception) away from beating the Vikings at the Dumpty Dome.

But, they’re 4 and 5 with a crappy quarterback. (Which doesn’t mean much, I guess, because the winless Buccaneers with a rookie quarterback beat the Pack.)

You’d think the Packers would be motivated to win this game. A loss here would be, on paper, as bad as a loss last week against the Cowboys.

But, but, but… Who knows which team is going to show up for the green and gold, the monsters who punched Tony Romo in the mouth or the buttercups who got steamrolled in the two Judas Bowls?

I’m done being depressed about this team. I’m an optimist. I BELIEVE IN UNICORNS! Bring on that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow! Bring on that victory!

Predictions…

My predictions prowess has stunk since the second Judas Bowl. Am I even still allowed to make predictions? Heck yeah! America is land of the free – where we are free to be terrible at whatever we want!

1. I think the TV network will make a HUGE deal out of the fact that Niners QB Alex Smith was chosen over Aaron Rodgers in that 2005 draft. If we’re lucky, we’ll get to see footage of Rodgers in the green room, getting passed over round after round. (We’re lucky to have this guy, folks. Off the field, he has been dealt a spectacularly difficult hand – and has handled it amazingly well. Perhaps I should petition the league to get him a cape, too.)

2. The play-by-play guys will make a bit of big deal out of the fact that Niners tight end Vernon Davis was chosen exactly one pick after A.J. Hawk in the 2006 draft. I think Charles Woodson, sans cape, will effectively contain Vernon Davis.

3. I think Clay Matthews is going to have a huge game.

Score: Packers 28, 49ers 24
(Matt’s Season Prediction Record: 5-4)

 

Week #10 – The Dallas Cowboys

What a mess.

It’s mid-season and I feel like I’ve woken up after a raging party. I’m  looking at my trashed house and wondering how this happened – and where to start the clean-up.

Last Sunday, Packers lost to a previously winless team with a rookie quarterback starting his first game.

The Packers sacked that rookie quarterback only once. On the other hand, Aaron Rodgers was dropped 6 times. And, they had a punt blocked for a touchdown. And, to add insult to injury, the winning touchdown was thrown on Jarrett Bush – aka the second coming of Ahmad Carroll.

New Perspective…

I used to think that the Packers’ problems had to do with desire. I used to think the Vikings swept the Packers because they wanted it more. I was mistaken.

The Packers have faltered this season in the trenches and on special teams because they stink. The players are lousy and poorly coached.

That’s really all the analysis you need as you watch the games in the second half of this season.

A Summary…

1. Lousy players

2. Poorly coached

Predictions…

1. Because the players on the Packers’ offensive line are lousy and poorly coached, the talented and well-coached defensive front seven of the Cowboys is going to treat Aaron Rodgers like a ragdoll to the tune of 7 sacks.

2. Because the Packers’ special teams players are lousy and poorly coached, The Cowboys will return a kickoff for a touchdown.

3. Because the Packers defensive front seven are lousy and poorly coached, Tony Romo is going to shred them for 3 TD passes. This will be a monster game for Romo. It will be difficult to watch.

Score: Packers 20, Cowboys 38
(Matt’s Season Prediction Record: 5-3)

 

Week #9 – Packers vs. Who Cares?

I’ve heard the Packers are scheduled to play another football game on Sunday. Will the green and gold show up for this one? Does it really matter?

Sorry to be a poozer, but last week’s loss in the Judas Bowl still has me down a little bit. A lot, actually.

I’ve never gone to therapy, but wonder if now might be a good time to start.

Acid Flashbacks…

That game, from the beginning to the end, brought about crazy emotional flashbacks for me. Believe it or not, the game against the Minnesota Vikings reminded me a lot of… Junior Prom.

Both the Judas Bowl and Junior Prom were highly anticipated events – watershed moments.

For both the game and Prom, I had certain expectations. For example, I truly expected the Packers to win that game. At the very least, I expected them to be “up” for the game.

And, at Prom, I expected to have a nice time with a nice girl – considering I plunked down about fifty bucks for a tux rental and another six or seven for flowers.

Both the Judas Bowl and my Junior Prom went awry. The Packers came out flat and couldn’t even compete. Prom? My date abandoned me in the middle of the date.

During both the Judas Bowl and during my Junior Prom, I couldn’t really believe what I was seeing, but was forced to accept it. They were both so surreal, so outside the realm of possibility, that I found myself drifting out of my body, watching the sordid affairs in the third person.

“How interesting…” I commented to myself, following up with, “this totally sucks.”

Silver Linings…

I’m not a quitter. I’m disappointed, but I’m not giving up on this team. (And, just for the record, my prom-date-from-hell didn’t cause me to give up on women. I didn’t waste much time, though, giving up on proms.)

Here I am, Packer Matt, back in the saddle, fearlessly making predictions about whichever team the Packers play this weekend. Or don’t play. Whatever.

Predictions…

1. I think kickoff of this Sunday’s game will occur at noon Central Time – give or take an hour or two.

2. I think the game will not end in a tie.

3. I think Mike McCarthy will prowl the sidelines with a Sharpie marker stuck in the back of his hat.

Score: Packers-24, Other Team-less

(Matt’s Season Prediction Record: 5-2)

 

Week #8 – The Judas Bowl

Can’t write anymore. Can’t think anymore. Exhausted. Confused. Angry. Nauseous.

Predictions…

1. When Brent walks through the tunnel, there will be boos. Lots of them.
2. Greg Jennings will score two touchdowns.
3. Brent will throw two picks.

Score: Packers 41, Queens 31

(Matt’s Season Prediction Record: 5-1)

 

Vikings Pregame – Sunday Can’t Get Here Soon Enough

Cleveland Browns Postmortem…

Sure it was against an inferior opponent and it was a game in which I was expected to perform well, but WOW(!), did I smack this game out of the park or what? All I can say is, “Boo yah!”

Let’s recap:

1. I think Aaron Rodgers will not be sacked. (That is not a typo. Zero sacks.)

CORRECT. Dude didn’t get sacked. Didn’t even have to wash his jersey after the game.

2. I think Ryan Grant will have more yards on the ground than Adrian Peterson this week.

MUCHO CORRECT. Ryan Grant rumbled for 148 yards on the ground. Adrian Peterson sputtered to the tune of 69.

3. Clay Matthews will be named Defensive Player of the Week after this game.

WRONG. A swing-and-a-miss here… The Cardinals safety Adrian Wilson won it. I didn’t even get the right Packers linebacker, considering A.J. Hawk led the team with 8 tackles – with 3 tackles for a loss. But, honestly, I would have been laughed off the Internet if I would have predicted an epic game from Hawk.

4. Score: Packers 31, Browns 10

ALMOST CORRECT. Actual score was Packers 31, Browns 3. My only mistake was overestimating the Browns. I’ll never make that mistake again.

Mangenius? Try again. How about Matt-genius?

Looking Ahead…

When the Packers took on the Vikings in Minnesota, I was excited to see how things would unfold, but wasn’t as overwhelmed by the event as the national media was.

Honestly, as Packer fans, we’re used to seeing washed-up former Packers play in Minnesota – as well as used to seeing washed-up former Packers coaches coaching there. The names Darren Sharper, Ryan Longwell, Robert Ferguson come to mind immediately. So do the names Darrell Bevell and Sherm Lewis.

The Minnesota Vikings are like a resentful little brother trying to just get a whiff of the big brother’s greatness. It’s sad, really. I’d have much more sympathy for the fans of that team if they weren’t such cretins. They are neither gracious in victory, nor defeat. Their bitterness oozes from their pores, which is why, when you stand close to them, they have such a uniquely dreadful odor.

This Sunday’s game, with Brent returning to Lambeau in effeminate purple, is the game I’ve been looking forward to since the old dog was released by the Jets. I knew it was coming and knew it was like nothing the NFL has ever seen before. Like ever, never, ever.

We live in wondrous times to see, firsthand, such history. It’s like seeing the signing of the Declaration of Independence. It’s like seeing the moon landing. Or… according to Steve Mariucci, who used to directly coach Judas, “It’s going to be like the Beatles going on The Ed Sullivan Show. It’s going to be highly anticipated.”

Did you know that when the Beatles were on tour during those crazy times, the crowd would scream so loud and with such sustained passion that it loosened people’s dental fillings?

The fans who are lucky enough to have tickets to that game better eat their Wheaties Sunday morning. Nothing less than a bone-rattling din will do.

What To Do…?

This will be an emotionally confusing time for many. A man who once played for our team with great passion is now playing for the archenemy. He will emerge from the Lambeau Field tunnel wearing Viking purple.

There are pundits, including Garry D. Howard, sports editor for the Milwaukee Journal-Sentinel, who suggest Brent should be cheered when he comes out of the tunnel – and then jeered when he plays. (Garry D. Howard’s idiotic commentary here.)

And, then there are players, like LeRoy Butler, who sweated and bled on Lambeau Field – alongside Brent – who believes anyone who cheers for #4 is out of their mind. He says, “…When Brett comes out you do like any other opposing quarterback, you boo him… If you’re going to stand up wearing Packer clothing and cheer when Brett Favre comes out, you should bring a bag and put it over your head… I mean, wait until he has his number retired, you can cheer him then… Anybody who comes into that stadium, I want them to lose. If it were me coming back, I wouldn’t expect anyone to cheer for me when I’m going to destroy your team. Of course not.” (The wise and sensible LeRoy Butler’s story here.)

Sunday can’t get here soon enough.

 

Week #7 – The Browns

Pain is Relative…

There is a plenty of hand-wringing and gnashing of teeth in Packerland.

The Packers are 3-2, with an offensive line that could get bullrushed by eighth graders. The Vikings are undefeated (gasp!) and Brett Favre, while “making all the throws,” just “looks like he’s having so much fun out there.”

The horror!

Even though the offensive line is surprisingly scary-bad, I’m still sticking with my preseason prediction of 11 wins.

And, I hope to calm some of the teeth-gnashing out there. Put down your pitchforks! Let’s put some things in perspective…

If the playoffs started today, the Packers would be in. The only two games they lost were to Cincinnati, which has turned out to be a pretty good team this year, and Minnesota – a game that the Vikings HAD to win.

They’re loaded with young talent and transitioning into a new defensive scheme. There’s plenty of room for growth.

The Vikings? They’re a fluke play (San Francisco) and a missed 44-yard field goal (Baltimore) from having two losses. Don’t worry. The wheels will fall off this bus. The Favre worshipping national media doesn’t see it yet, but that team is not built to win it all.

Let’s all just enjoy watching the Vikings unravel as this season unfolds.

It Can Be Even Worse…

Whenever you start to get down about the Packers and your support of them, consider this: You could be a Cleveland Browns fan.

How painful would that be?

Well, for one, you’d probably be living in Cleveland. Ouch.

And, your team would have just traded away their only impact player (wide receiver Braylon Edwards) and is enduring a quarterback controversy between two stiffs – Derek Andersen and Brady Quinn. It’s a dark tunnel down there in Cleveland with no light in sight.

Adding insult to injury, esteemed sports(?) magazine Rolling Stone recently wrote a story about your head coach, comparing him to Augustus Gloop of Willy Wonka fame.

Mike McCarthy may be a little chunky, but he’s no Augustus Gloop.

So please, dear friends and family, enjoy this season as much as you can. The Packers won’t be winning the Super Bowl, but neither will the Vikings. And, this is just fine because the aging, cash-strapped, draft-mortgaged Vikings will not be recovering from this season for a long, long time.

Predictions…

1. I think Aaron Rodgers will not be sacked. (That is not a typo. Zero sacks.)

2. I think Ryan Grant will have more yards on the ground than Adrian Peterson this week.

3. Clay Matthews will be named Defensive Player of the Week after this game.

Score: Packers 31, Browns 10
(Matt’s Season Prediction Record: 4-1)

 

Week #6 – The Lions

Where’s the Fun?

We’re at the quarter-mark for the season and, frankly, I’m having much less fun than I thought I would.

I’m not panicking about being 2-2. As I’ve written before, I’m optimistic about this team.

But, I am surprised at just how little entertainment value I’ve gotten out of the games. Since the drubbing of the Chicago Bears in week 1, which was grand fun, I have not really enjoyed much of what I’ve seen. Consider…

Week 2 – Losing to the Bengals – Not fun

Week 3 – Beating up on a hapless Rams team – Sort of fun, but not satisfying

Week 4 – Getting punched in the mouth by Jared Allen at the Metrodome – Definitely not fun

I fear that this Sunday’s game might be a bit of a letdown as well. The Lions? Reportedly without Matthew Stafford or Calvin Johnson? Not only is this team not fun to watch, it’s rather sad.

So, I’ve decided to quit complaining and do something to ensure that I’ll have fun while watching all of the rest of the games this season. I bought a chimp!

Chimps Make Everything More Fun…

As everyone knows, chimps make everything more fun.

I’ve named mine Chuck Cecil and he seems to be a good sport. He doesn’t double dip his chips and he entertains me during commercial breaks by doing backflips off the big screen TV. Of course, no pet is perfect. When Chuck thinks a referee has blown a call, he throws his poo.

Predictions…

1. I think the Packers will pick off Daunte Culpepper three times.

2. I think Ryan Grants will get 120 yards on the ground.

3. I think Jermichael Finley will have a monster game.

Score: Packers 38, Lions 17

(Matt’s Season Prediction Record: 3-1)

 

Week #5 – Vikings-Packers Postmortem

Optimism…

Plenty of friends and family offered their condolences to me after that Monday Night Packer-Viking game. The sentiment was appreciated, but strangely unnecessary. I actually came away from the loss OPTIMISTIC.

Consider this:

Despite the fact that the offensive line was overwhelmed by the Vikings, with Aaron Rodgers getting sacked eight times, fumbling once and getting crushed for a safety…

And, despite the fact the team was playing in the Dumpster Dome with all that piped-in crowd noise…

And, despite the fact tight end Donald Lee dropped a breadbasket touchdown pass…

The Packers only lost by 7 points.

The Vikings HAD to win that game. They had to hold serve. It meant a lot more to their team and their quarterback than it did to the Packers.

This is a young team. More than a third of the players on the Green Bay roster never played with Favre. And, there’s a bunch of other Packers who played with Favre for only a year or two who say they didn’t even really know him.

The Vikings were revved up, Favre brought his A-game and the Packers went into that buzzsaw – and only lost by a touchdown.

That game in Minnesota was just a warm up. If you want to see a real buzzsaw, November 1 is it. It is going to bring me great joy to watch the Packers beat the Vikings silly at Lambeau.

Jealousy…

I must admit, though, that I am very jealous of Minnesota Vikings fans right now.

They’re enjoying something that Packer fans have been enjoying for much of the past two decades – watching Brett Favre work his magic.

I’m jealous because it’s like Vikings fans are seeing the movie Star Wars for the first time. It’s sort of endearing to see their happy faces, filled with awe and wonderment.

Here’s the thing though… Packer fans all know how the movie ends.

Brett Favre is 3-7 in his last 10 playoff games.

He hasn’t won back-to-back playoff games since 1998.

Hey, I was in the stands at Lambeau when the poor old guy chucked it up there (again) to end the season in 2008.

The Vikings are not going to the Super Bowl. They’re certainly not winning the Super Bowl. You are what you are. And, as awesome as Brett Favre was – and is – he’s not a clutch, championship quarterback.

Aaron Rodgers, on the other hand, will prove to be just that.

 

Week #4 – Favremageddon

Disturbed…

I am not well.

Despite the fact that this has been the most hyped regular season game in the history of the NFL (and rightly so), I have done a reasonably good job of averting my eyes. There is so much to not like here.

#4 joining the Metrodomers in order to stick it to his old team – and their fans – is certainly quite a spectacle. So is Jared Allen’s mullet. And, Zygi Wilf – just in general.

This is an unprecedented trainwreck that Brett and Bus and Scott and Bonita started orchestrating last summer – that finally has been realized.

Congratulations! You’ve effectively traded the boundless adoration of an entire state for the fleeting cheers of a bandwagon fanbase that nearly didn’t sell out their last playoff game.

Me of Little Faith…

Beyond inevitably seeing Brett Favre and Ragnar in a passionate embrace, here’s what’s really not to like about this game – the actual match-up.

While the Packers have the superior quarterback, receiving corps and defensive backfield, it looks to me like they lose in every other battle.

Their offensive line is scary bad. Unlike the Queens, the Pack doesn’t have a game-changing running back. The Queens also have a better defensive line and linebacking corps. And… you’ve got to give an edge to the enemy when it comes to special teams.

As much as I love the match-up of Aaron Rodgers against the Vikings’ defensive backs, I’m not sure how he’ll be able to deliver the ball while constantly getting chased out of the pocket – or crushed in it.

I’m not sure if my tender heart can take it.

The X-Factor – Chilly…

If there is any hope for the Packers in this game, it rests along the Vikings’ sideline. Brad Childress.

Maybe he’s a genius. Maybe he’ll take his pathetic franchise to the next six Super Bowls. But, for the life of me, I can’t shake the feeling that he’s the twin brother of Sesame Street’s Mr. Noodle. Am I crazy?

I think he’s a tragic figure. After Brett Favre has his predictable late-season meltdown and the season is lost, I quite expect Brad to get canned.

When that happens, I’ll shed a tear because it means there’s  chance the Vikings could actually hire a competent coach.

And what will Chilly do when his head coaching career has been Favred?

Inspired by that whack-job headset he’s been wearing on the sideline, my vote is he’ll either find work as a customer service operator.  Or a pop star. Let’s throw it open for a vote!

Predictions…

1. I think Brett Lorenzo Favre will throw a pick-six to Al Harris. (It’s the least he can do for Packer fans.)

2. I think Mason Crosby will miss at least one field goal – and Ryan Longwell will be perfect. (Sorry to be such a downer. Just have a bad feeling about this.)

3. I think the midfield handshake between Mike McCarthy and Brad Childress will be so brief, you’ll need to replay the moment in slow motion just to see it.

Score: Packers 20, Favres 30

(Matt’s Season Prediction Record: 2-1)